It recently came to my attention that if you ever want to get a job in the media, especially anything that involves writing, it would be a smart thing to maintain a blog. This was quite a surprise, of course, since I never expected that jobs having to do with writing would want you to demonstrate your ability to attract readers.
(This is insane troll logic, if you ask me.)
It was upon discovering this that I created this very blog with frantic desperation, hoping that by the time I was invited for a job interview by any of the numerous companies I have recently applied to, I would have something to show for myself.
Then I discovered the ugly truth: blogging sucks.
Not in a good way, either. (If you don't know what the good way is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to redirect you to Urban Dictionary. I'm trying to keep this blog as clean as possible, thankyouverymuch.) No, it sucks in a really, really bad way. It sucks as much as Britney Spears's singing, or Keanu Reeves's acting. It sucks as much as Sarah Palin's attempt at politics, or (and this is a friend's contribution) drinking apple juice after you've brushed your teeth. It sucks as much as... you get the gist.
And then it hit me! This is what this blog should be about. Why things suck.
(In a very few words: because the world is a cruel and lonely place.)
And what's more fitting than starting with why blogging sucks?
Without further ado, then, I present to you the very short list of reasons why I believe blogging sucks.
#1: Because Everyone Can Do It.
Now I'm not saying that the particular people have a blog. But you can bet there are people like them out there that do. They might be less famous, but they're there, typing away on their laptops about how gays should die, or how atheists are evil, or how democracy is about not being able to leave your own country.
I understand that everybody has the right to their own opinion. I respect that, to a certain point. (My respect starts to run out when that opinion becomes arrogant, insulting and uninformed.) Nevertheless, and I'm not going to argue about whether freedom of speech should trump hate speech laws, blogging sucks simply because people who blog often suck.
(Again, not in a good way.)
#2: Because People Have no Imagination.
Let's be fair: we can't all be as creative as Steven Moffat, or Mitchell Hurwitz, or Alan Ball. Hell, most of us can't even be as creative as the housewives who use empty glass jars to store teabags. So why do we think we're capable of maintaining a blog?
This is why most blogs fail before they've even begun. (I should know, this is my fifth attempt at a blog.) Because about 80% of bloggers have zero imagination. (I pulled that statistic out of my ass, do not quote me.)
I, of course, am excluded from this since I came up with the format for this blog post entirely by myself.
(Cracked are preparing their lawsuit as we speak.)
#3: Because There's Too Many of Them.
You know why that sucks? Because it makes my life more complicated, and everything that makes my life more complicated sucks. (I had an ex-boyfriend who made my life more complicated, too. Guess what? He sucked. Both in the good and the bad way.)
I mean, here I am, creating this obviously amazing, riveting, compelling and exceptional blog. And what do I have to do? Promote it. Why do I have to do that? Because there's about a trillion other blogs out there, and most of them suck. The average internet reader's attention lasts probably around 0.2 seconds. When it comes to blogs, I'm thinking 0.02.
(See? I'm different from Cracked. They present scientific facts in an interesting and hilarious way. I present my opinion, backed up by statistics and numerical "facts" I come up with on the spot.)
It would've been so much easier to only allow funny, interesting and smart blogs to exist. But no, we had to make them free for everyone, just to make my life more difficult. Whatever.
Anyway, I guess this article takes longer than 0.02 seconds to read, so I probably lost you somewhere around that picture of Olaf, the troll with the insane logic. If you've made it this far, I'm happy. Give me a shout in the comments section, and anticipate my next post: "Why Looking for a Job Sucks."
PS. Never, ever, ever google "evil troll face". You will encounter scarring images like this: